


These Shadows Keep On Changing

by Eternal Scribe (Shadowcat)



Series: Shadows [1]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Emotional Hurt, Everybody Lives, Gen, Mental Anguish, Not Canon Compliant, Poisoning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-11 12:23:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7892203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowcat/pseuds/Eternal%20Scribe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the fight with the orcs to escape Mirkwood, Kili is shot with a poisoned arrow.  Rather than telling anyone, he suffers in silence with it as well as the reality that he is dying.  Getting it into his head that his brother and Uncle would be ashamed of him and leave him behind somewhere for his weakness, he decides that he cannot tell anyone what is happening to him.  He didn't count on the uncanny observation of a human child who was determined that he wasn't just going to up and die alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	These Shadows Keep On Changing

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to QueenMidalah for helping me get out of a tight corner I had written myself into.

It was Tilda who noticed that they were one dwarf short when it started getting late. Tilda who convinced him to go to and offer comfort to the missing one. Tilda who met him at the door and pushed a packet of bandages and a medicinal paste into his hands.

_”We should tell his family,” he told his youngest child but she shook her head quickly._

_“He’s making that face that you and Bain make when you are in pain or have been wounded somehow and are trying to hide it from us, Da.” Tilda was looking at him far too seriously. “He needs help and he doesn’t want his people to know that he does.”_

When had his baby started growing up and noticing all of these things? Who allowed that? He didn’t give anyone his permission for any of that to happen. This was his baby, the one that was supposed to stay innocent and unaware of the hardships of the world for as long as possible!

And that was how Bard found himself slipping from his crowded home searching for a missing dwarf.

Luckily, he didn’t end up having to look very far after he left the house. The one he was looking for was sitting in the shadows at the end of the walkway, looking out over the water and sometimes turning his head to look further down the path.

In fact, if it hadn’t been for Tilda’s sure words of his pain, Bard would have thought that he was on some kind of security watch.

“Master Dwarf,” he said softly, ducking into the shadows near him and announcing himself so as not to startle the young warrior.

The dwarf turned to look at him and Bard could see now what Tilda had noticed.

“Kili, Master Bard. Just Kili, if you will.”

“Only if you agree to call me Bard.”

Kili managed a smile that didn’t hide his pain and nodded. “Aye, yes, I can do that.” He shifted slightly and Bard could see now that Kili was in a lot more pain than even Tilda had guessed. “Do the others know I’m out here?”

Bard smiled slightly and shook his head. “I don’t think so. It was Tilda, my youngest, that told me that you were out here alone. She sent me to find you so I could look at your wound and put some of Sigrid’s medicinal paste on it to help you.”

Kili’s expression would have been laughable if he wasn’t clearly in so much pain and Bard wondered how he had managed to hide the seriousness of his wounds from the people he travelled with.

“I thought I was doing very well in not letting anyone know how bad I’m feeling,” Kili said in a bit of shocked surprise. “I did not mean to upset your daughter.”

Bard shook his head and gave him a small smile. “Apparently, Tilda has been noticing a lot more around her than I ever thought.” Here he huffed. “She told me that you looked like my son and I when we’re trying to hide pain or wounds from her and her sister.”

Kili managed a soft laugh at that. “It can be very hard to hide your pain and injuries from your kin,” he agreed.

“The blonde one… he’s your brother, right, and older than you?”

Kili nodded. “Yes, but how did you know? We hadn’t told anyone here that we are related.”

This time it was Bard who managed a soft laugh. “He looks at you the way Bain looks at his sisters when there are strangers around. He gives a fierce look that promises retribution to all who come near you that might harm you.”

“Fili can be… protective,” Kili allowed. “He’s five years older than me, though in our society, it really isn’t that much older -- yet sometimes it can seem so much more of a distance. He’s more regal and mature than I am in most things.”

Bard started opening the packet of things that Tilda had handed him and then looked at Kili in confusion. “He knows you’ve been injured?”

“Yes,” Kili sighed quietly.

“But not how bad the injury is?”

Kili was still for a moment and then shook his head. “No. They all think it’s merely an arrow wound and nothing more.”

“It’s not merely an arrow wound, is it?”

“I believe there was orc poison on the arrow that wounded me.” Kili ducked his head. “I can feel what it is doing within me.”

Bard let his eyes close for a moment and took in a deep breath. He had heard enough stories about orc poison and what damage it could do to a body. For being so much older than him in years, Kili also seemed younger to him. Maybe in human terms he would be the equivalent of Sigrid or Bain’s age. Far too young for the damage and pain Bard now recognized within him.

“Why do you not tell your kin what is happening to you? Surely they would want to know and you can’t keep it hidden from them forever.” His voice was gentle. “After all, my seven year old daughter recognized that there was something seriously wrong.”

The smile that the young dwarf gave him was full of some emotion that Bard couldn’t identify right away, but then recognized it as a mixture of sorrow and regret. What could he have done to feel so much regret for?

“This quest to regain our homeland is far too important to my uncle and I cannot take that away from him. Thorin has wanted nothing more for as long as I have known him than to reclaim the home he and our people were forced to abandon when the dragon came.” Kili turned his head once more to look out over the water. “He brought Fili because Fili is his heir and will be king when Thorin is gone. He thought that I was too young for this journey and only brought me along because it was clear that my brother would not leave me behind. He did not want me here, but was given no choice but to bring me. He needed Fili but could only have my brother if he allowed me to come, too. I’m a talented scout, a very good hunter and am the best dwarf ever seen back home with my bow and arrow… but he still sees me at the young prankster full of mischief that ran wild in the Blue Mountains. To him, I am still nothing more than a child for all that I have finally come of age. How do you think that it would look to him to know that the one person that he didn’t want on his great quest is the one that has now fallen gravely ill from a wound that most dwarves should be able to deal with and walk off in a matter of days? Even our hobbit is not gravely wounded and he had never been out of the safety of his Shire until we came to convince him to travel along with us.” Kili shook his head. “I will not shame myself in Thorin’s eyes by letting him know that I am faltering when I should be strong for him and fighting for our homeland.”

“Kili, if it’s orc poison like you suspect, you will probably die.” He hated saying it, but it was true and he knew the dwarf would not want him to lie or sugar coat anything for him.

“I know. But maybe I will be lucky and will not perish before the dragon is destroyed first. I’m a son of Durin and I can do no less. My honor and my blood will not allow me to.”

Bard could feel the simmering anger building within him at how easily the young dwarf thought his life could be thrown away for someone else’s selfish desires. And to him, it was selfish. Willfully throwing away the lives of your kin for a mountain and a rumored treasure was selfish on a scale that measured up to the Master’s own selfishness. He didn’t understand dwarf society, but he did know that family was supposed to be more important than anything.If it was Bain who was this badly wounded and heart sore, Bard would want to know of it. Nothing was more important to him than his children. They were his world, his reason for living and everything that he did.

“And your brother?”

“I will not bring shame to him by revealing that he has a weakling for a brother. He is a Prince and does not need to worry about the failure that is my own.” Kili swallowed. “And he would worry too much for me and not about himself when it came time to fight the dragon.”

Bard could not see how getting shot with an orc arrow was a failure on Kili’s part. If anyone besides the orcs were at fault in his eyes, it was the seasoned elders that should have been keeping an eye on the youngest of their group. _Thorin_ should have been taking better care of his nephew than he apparently had been doing. Fili _should_ be worrying about his brother and not about being a prince.

“Allow me to treat the wound while you tell me the story of how your wound happened.” Bard smiled, keeping his own emotions locked up so he didn’t upset or sadden the youngster beside him. Kili was already carrying too much as it was. “You may be a dangerous warrior among your people but I would rather fight you than to face down my daughter and tell her that I did not do as she requested of me. Tilda may be tiny, but she is very fierce in her own right when something does not go her way. And right now, for some reason, that focus is on you and your well-being, Kili.”

For a long moment, Kili didn’t move and Bard thought he was going to refuse him, but then he bowed his head, sighed, and slowly turned his body so that Bard could have access to his wounded leg. Even in the dark, he could see the blood staining the pants that the dwarf wore.

“I would not wish to be the cause of a friend having to face such wrath on my behalf,” Kili finally said with a small smile. A smile that cost him because Bard could see how much pain he was trying to hide.

Bard looked over his leg and then met Kili’s eyes.

“Kili, I’m going to have to cut open your trouser leg to get to your wound. There is no way that you can roll them up easily or far enough.” When Kili sighed, but nodded, Bard continued. “I can find you other trousers to wear so you can still hide the sight of the wound from your kin if you decide to still do that.” Though he really wished he wouldn’t.

“I have no choice, Bard. They cannot know. I will not be viewed or treated as a liability to them and our mission.”

Bard bit back a sigh, but nodded as he unsheathed his knife and cut the fabric around where he saw the blood seeping through Kili’s clothing. As he tried to carefully pull the material away from the wound, he noticed Kili biting his fist so as not to make a sound from the pain. Once the material was cut away and the wound was laid open to his eyes, Bard muttered a curse beneath his breath.

It was worse than he had imagined it to be.

The arrow point had gone in deep, that was obvious to Bard’s eyes. The wound was seeping blood and the blood looked even darker than usual. Kili had been right. The arrow head had been coated in poison. The edges of the wound were ragged and had turned the skin a dark hue even in the shadows of their hiding place.

“Kili, listen to me, lad. I need to press this paste into your wound and it is going to hurt like a forge fire. The poison is eating you from the inside and I need to do this if you’re going to last much longer.”

The thing is, Bard didn’t know how much longer the young dwarf would survive even with the medicine he was using. He had never heard of poison like this being stopped and healed with the medicines of men. Kili needed the magic of a healer or a wizard, but both of those are in short supply in Laketown.

“What do you need me to do?” Kili asked, softly, sweat standing out on his forehead from the pain and the fever that he had been silently trying to fight with just his strength of will.

Kili was dying and Bard _hated_ this.

“I need you to close your eyes and not look at what I’m doing,” Bard instructed gently. “Talk to me about how you got wounded or anything at all so long as you keep your eyes closed. I’m sorry that I have nothing to ease your pain with.”

Bard didn’t have ale in his home because he didn’t drink. He had seen too many people fall into spirits on the lake and he would not become like them. His children and others in this town relied on him and he would not let them down for even a temporary ease of his mind.

“I do not think that it would stay in my system if you had anything,” Kili said softly.

That told Bard far too much of just how ill Kili had become with this wound.

The next several minutes were painful for both Bard and his charge. He pushed the paste deep into the still bleeding -- _and why would it not stop bleeding the young dwarf out_ \-- wound and then smeared it around the wound, coating the skin thickly. He pretended not to hear the sharp gasps and pants of pain from Kili just as he pretended not to see the tears that were now streaming down the dwarf’s face from the fresh, sharp pain. By the time Kili managed to get to the part of his tale where they had escaped the barrels and then met Bard, the man in question was wrapping yet another layer of bandaging around Kili’s leg in an attempt to stop the bleeding and keep the medicinal paste in the wound.

It had taken five layers before blood stopped spotting the white bandages. Five layers of causing Kili even more pain that could not be avoided. Five layers of pain that Bard really wished he could take out of someone else.

Bard wrapped it around Kili’s leg a sixth time for good measure and then tied it off. Once Kili’s breathing had evened out as much as it was going to for awhile, Bard helped him to his feet.

“Go talk to Bain,” he said gently. “He probably has something you can wear while Sigrid sews the leg on these back together for you.”

Kili clasped Bard’s hand and gave him a weak smile. “Thank you for your help, Bard. I owe you.”

“You owe me nothing, my young friend.”

“And my kin?”

“While I wish you would tell them the truth of what is happening to you, that is not my decision. They will not hear of your condition from me.”

“I will keep my honour as a Prince of Erebor and a son of Durin by falling in battle with the dragon to reclaim my people’s home,” Kili said with a sad, self-deprecating smile. “I will not shame my kin.”

_But what use has honour if you are too dead to wear it?_

Bard clasped his hand again and then watched as Kili made his way slowly up the steps to the door of Bard’s home. He stood there for long moments schooling his expression and making sure he was standing straight before he opened the door and went inside. Once the door to his home closed, Bard sighed and then sat back down on the walkway next to the water.

“You heard?” He finally said, not turning around.

“Every word.” Nori stepped out of the shadows and took a seat next to Bard, shaking his head as he looked out over the water. “You daughter, Tilda, was very adamant that I come out here to you but to not say anything to Kili.”

“I don’t know where she is getting all of these skills of plotting and secrecy. She’s only a child and I would have her know innocence for yet a while longer.” He shook his head and then turned to the dwarf next to him. “He never even realized you were there.”

“She reminds me of the Princes when they were young dwarflings. They would be acting like the youngsters they were one moment, and then saying or doing something completely beyond their years in the next moment.” Nori nodded. “He never did which would be troubling if it wasn’t for the fact that I am very skilled at not being seen or heard. It helped in my line of work before this journey.”

Bard decided that he probably didn’t want to know and would not ask.

“He’s dying and will not let me say anything to his people. It’s not right. He’s so full of self-loathing and shame and so afraid of letting the rest of you down that he would shorten what little life he has left.”

“He could never let the Company down, Bard,” Nori said quietly as he looked out over the water. “He has done so much to help our cause and our journey since we left the Blue Mountains. He is friend, companion and family. Not only that, he’s become a very dear friend of my little brother and I would never put my brother through the pain of losing that when he has had so few friends in his life. Kili is a good dwarf.”

“Tell me true, Nori,” Bard requested softly. “Would his kin really forswear him if they knew he was so badly injured and slowly dying?”

“His brother would never abandon him for any reason at all. If Fili knew how badly his brother was suffering and why he was keeping it to himself, he would be heartbroken. Those two lads have been so close all of Kili’s life and I don’t like to think what would happen to Fili if Kili is no longer with him.”

“And Thorin?”

Nori sighed. “Thorin is a good dwarf. He’s our King and he will be a very good King for us when we have the mountain back. I have to keep believing in that or else what has been the whole point of this quest? I also know that he loves his sister-sons like they are his own boys. He has helped to raise them and train them all of their lives. He has loved them, protected them, comforted them. I do not see him ever willingly causing them despair or pain.”

“But?”

“But.” Nori hunched his shoulders inward for a moment and then shook his head. “Thorin is changing. The closer we get to the mountain, the more different he is. He has always been tough, but he is riding us harder than he has ever done to us in the last few days. Small things now frustrate or annoy him and there are new shadows in his eyes that have never been there before. He is quick to anger and longer to calm. He is harsh and cold when he only ever used to be stern when something went wrong.”

“Would he abandon Kili to his fate and disown him if he knew of Kili’s wound and illness like he fears would happen?”

“I don’t know, Bard. I want to say no, of course not, that it would take something horrible indeed for Kili to be disowned by his beloved uncle, but after the way he has been only since we have been here in Lake Town, I just don’t know.”

“I don’t want to watch Kili die, Nori. He has a good heart and he doesn’t deserve such a fate.”

“How long do you think he has before he succumbs to the poison in his system?”

“I wish I could tell you. I have had little experience with orc poison. I have heard tales of what it does to a being when it is used on them, but I have never heard anything of what could fix it.” Bard shook his head. “I honestly don’t know if he has very much time left, Nori. The bleeding won’t stop and you saw and heard how much pain the youngster is in.”

“All we can do is hope that Gandalf arrives before Thorin has us move on to the mountain and the dragon waiting for us.”

“Gandalf?”

“Our wizard. Only he or the magic of the elves can probably help Kili now -- and I doubt that any elf healer is going to help a dwarf who was wounded escaping from their dungeon.”

“Let’s hope your wizard arrives here soon, then.”

 

The next morning, Tilda’s wails of distress alerted Bard that their dwarven guests had left sometime during the night for their mountain.

“They’re gone and he’s going to die!” Tilda wailed as she buried her head against Bard’s neck when he picked her up to comfort her. “Kili’s gonna die out there and we’ll never see him again!”

In his mind, Bard cursed Thorin -- both for danger he was putting his nephew in and the distress that his actions were causing his youngest daughter.

*************

The battle was a nightmare and Kili was doing his best to stay on his feet and fight as the warrior he was. He knew that he was fading and that the war with the goblins and orcs was quickly robbing him of the time he had left. Under his trousers and his armor, his entire leg was bruised black and the taint from the poison had begun moving up his body and into his chest. Each step was a new dance with agony and each breath made him feel like he was being burned from the inside.

He was dying, but he would fall in battle; making his uncle and his brother proud of him. And when they prepared him for burial and saw the damage from the arrow and the poison on his body, there would be no shame for them or for him. It did not matter that they would learn of the injury and deadly poison he had been fighting without them knowing. What would matter is that they would see that he finished the quest, helped fight the dragon and had fallen in battle to keep their home free again. He had kept his honour and had not failed his kin.

He had run out of arrows and was now fighting in close quarters with his sword and a knife. With each flash of pain and sickness he felt, he managed to balance it out by stabbing into another body that came at him. He was covered in so much blood that it was hard to see where his blood ended and the blood of their enemies begun on him.

They had been fighting for hours and Kili could feel his life waning. He spun and swung his sword again. He had lost sight of Fili and of Thorin on the battlefield. He looked around, trying to draw in a breath between combatants, but his brother and his uncle were nowhere to be seen. In a way, that was good. It meant that when he finally was felled, they would not see it happen. They would not be distracted from their own battles by his end. He would be glad of that -- even if he would have liked to see his brother one last time.

It was enough that they would live on.

It was almost the end, he could tell. He was done in and he would only be able to fight one or two more of the orcs before his body would collapse. He had taken several wounds and only his strength of purpose had kept him on his feet for as long as he had been. He was ready for it to be over.

He planted his feet and was ready to meet his Maker with his sword in his hand. He readied his sword to take on the next attack of orcs when he heard something that caused his blood to turn to ice in his veins.

It was a sound that did not belong on the field of battle.

A sound that should not have ever been here to be heard.

It was the scream of a child.

There were no dwarflings among the company or the warriors Dain had brought from the Iron Hills to help them, so that meant that it must be a child of man that was somewhere among this bloody place. Kili backed away from the orcs that he had been about to engage and then took off running in the direction of the scream. From behind him, he heard the sounds of growls and then pursuit, but he could not pay attention to them. He had to find and protect the child that had somehow ended up in the middle of this battle field. 

His leg throbbed and burned and threatened to collapse beneath him, but he forced himself to stay on his feet and keep going.

He scrambled around a snowy hill and the scream came again and then he was in sight of a young girl who was being threatened by the approach of a group of goblins. He moved in her direction, trying to cover more ground, cursing at the shaking in his legs as he got closer.

As if she sensed him coming closer to help her, the youngster turned her head and Kili felt fear and despair crash into him all at once.

“KILI!”

No no no no.

_NO!_

It was Tilda, Bard’s youngest daughter.

Kili wanted to scream out in rage and sorrow because this should not be happening. He knew that another army of orcs had been attacking Dale as the others attacked Erebor, but how had she ended up all the way up here near the mountain? Where was her family? Why was she here and alone?

Bard. What had happened to Bard?!

Kili pushed his waning energy into his body and forced himself to run in her direction. He felt something hit his back and a sudden pain, but he kept going. He could feel himself weakening and his legs threatening to collapse, but he kept moving.

Somewhere along the way, he dropped his sword.

As he ran, he prayed.

_Please, Aule, please give me the strength to save her. She is an innocent and the lives of men are already so short, do not let me fail her. I will come willingly into your embrace, just please, great Aule, let me save her. Let her live!_

Kili stumbled a few times but manage to get to her and scoop her up into his arms and run with her some more.

“Kili!”

“Shh, Tilda. It’s okay. I have you. I’ll get you --”

There were several thuds along his back and as new pain spread through his back and chest, he knew without a doubt what had happened. 

Arrows.

He had been shot by arrows.

He could taste blood pooling in his mouth, but still he kept stumbling forward, holding onto his precious burden as he moved.

More thuds into his back and then two into his side.

Everything was on fire, now, and his eyes were starting to lose their clarity.

_Blessed Aule, please hear my prayer. Spare her. Please spare her. I am falling but please do not let her die. Do not let Tilda, daughter of Bard the Bowman, my friend, die out here. It is no place for a child._

Kili felt himself stumble and knew that he had reached the end. He couldn’t hear the sounds of battle any longer and he was barely able to hear Tilda talking to him. She was clutching his hair, trying to get him to focus on her, but it was just too hard for him to do so.

His poisoned leg finally collapsed beneath him and with the last of his strength, Kili tucked Tilda close to his chest as he fell. She would be safe beneath his body as a shield until the battle was ended. He felt his face hit the snow and then there were hands on his face, trying to get him to respond. He wanted to. He wanted to reassure Tilda and calm her fear, but he wasn’t able to.

From far away he heard the sounds of shouting and then Tilda crying his name.

_Forgive me, Bard._

More cries… more blood pooling from his mouth…

And then there was nothing but silence and blackness.

 

It was Fili who found them.

Well, Fili was first on the scene, but Nori and Thranduil the Elf King were close behind him. It seemed that the two of them had been looking for Kili, as well.

Fili didn’t know why the elf had been helping Nori search for his brother, but when he found Kili everything else flew from his mind.

Fili had been wounded in battle, but as he caught sight of the numerous arrows that pierced his brother’s body, he knew that his wounds were nothing in comparison. After all, he was able to at least limp around the field on his own -- even if he had to cradle one of his arms against his body from time to time. He knew that he was covered in blood -- his and his enemies’ -- but seeing his brother lying on his face in the snow with blood all around him and so much blood on his body that his clothing was black with it, served to make Fili feel sick to his stomach. 

How could his brother be so wounded and still live? There was no way and Fili felt the heavy weight of grief weighing him down as he dropped to his knees next to Kili’s form..

How could he face this world without the company of his best friend? How could he have failed his baby brother so completely?

He didn’t remember how he had gotten separated from Kili in the fighting, just that when he looked for him, he was nowhere near him. He had felt icy panic at losing sight of him, but there were so many orcs that he hadn’t been able to fight his way free to find where Kili had been drawn off to.

The sound of crying pierced into his haze of shock and grief, as did a soft, small voice calling out his brother’s name.

The two dwarves and the elf got to their feet and stood, looking around in confusion.

The soft crying came again. This time, all three of them could make out words.

“Please wake up, Kili. Please, Kili. You have to wake up. Please. You can’t be dead. You’re needed. Please wake up, Kili. Please.”

It was Fili who caught sight of a hint of movement from beneath his brother’s body.

“Nori, Thranduil… there’s someone beneath Kili’s body!”

Fili felt his heart shatter when he realized that he had just admitted to himself and everyone else that Kili was gone and all that was left behind was his prone and broken body.

Gently, he and Nori lifted Kili by his arms until he was resting on his knees. Beneath him, curled up tight was a young girl. It was only when Thranduil gently pulled her up and Nori and Fili carefully lowered Kili back to the ground that the dwarves recognized the blood and snow covered girl.

“Tilda,” Nori breathed.

Fili jerked his head to him. “Wait, Tilda? Bard’s little girl?”

Tilda stumbled away from the elf to drop to her knees beside Kili. She didn’t seem to care about the fact that she was getting blood all over her dress as she touched his hair and gently moved her hand through it.

“You saved me, you saved me. Please open your eyes. Don’t leave the ones who really care about you, Kili. You’re safe now. Your honour is safe. You were so strong and brave. Your brother will be proud of you, but you have to wake up to see it.”

Confused, Thranduil, Fili and Nori watched this, two of them not understanding her words or why she was saying them. Fili was particularly pained and confused by her words about honour and Fili being proud of him. Fili was always proud of him. Kili was his baby brother but he was also an amazing dwarf in his own right.

What did someone so young know about honour and pride, any way? Shouldn’t she still be safely playing with dolls and other toys that little children were so focused on? Why was she in the middle of a battlefield and not safely hidden somewhere? Where was her father and how in the name of Mahal had she ended up here?

Beside him, Nori groaned and cursed softly in Khuzdul as he dropped to his knees beside Tilda.

“Tilda, lass, can you tell me what happened?”

Tilda turned to him and there were tears spilling from her eyes. “Nori? Nori, Kili saved me. There were monsters and more monsters everywhere and then Kili was there and he picked me up and he was trying to run. He wanted to so badly to get me to somewhere safe but his leg was hurting him so badly and there was so much pain and blood on his face. But he kept a tight hold on me and he tried so hard to run faster. Then he made a sound of such pain and we were falling. I thought that the poison in his leg was making him fall, but then I saw all of the arrows.” Tilda sobbed loudly and pressed her hand to her mouth for a few moments as she struggled to calm down enough to talk again. “Kili was falling and even while he was closing his eyes, he was holding me tightly to him. He fell forward and his body kept me safe in the snow until the fighting was over and I heard you.” She looked away from Kili to stare at Nori. “I want my Da, Nori. Da will fix it.”

Because Tilda was still young enough to have complete faith that her father could fix anything that went wrong in her life. 

Nori let out a soft sound of comfort and pulled Tilda into his arms to hold her. She was too young to have seen all of this, but he wasn’t the least bit surprised that Kili had given his life to save her. It was the kind of thing that the young dwarf would do without thinking.

While Tilda and Nori were talking, Thranduil had kneeled down in the snow next to Kili’s body. He was running his hands along his neck and murmuring to himself. Fili was too lost in his grief to protest the elf touching his brother. The elf let out a soft sound of shock and then looked at Fili.

“Your brother yet lives, Prince Under the Mountain.”

Fili stared at him, trying to make sense out of Thranduil’s words through the fog of pain that was seeking to keep his mind clouded.

“What?”

“His heart still beats. It is weak, but it is there. If we can get him to one of the healing tents, I can utilize my healing arts to save him.”

“You can save him?”

The Elf King nodded his head and kept his eyes on Fili. “If you wish me to do so, I can. If you and your uncle would rather --”

“No,” Fili whispered. “Please. Save my brother.”

He didn’t think that Thorin would say differently, not when it was Kili’s life that was at stake, but if he became angry, Fili would deal with him. Kili was his brother and it fell to Fili to take care of him. It was therefore Fili’s decision what would happen to his brother. If Thranduil said he could save Kili’s life, then by Mahal, Thranduil would save Kili’s life.

“We need help getting him to the tents,” Fili said softly, hating that he was wounded and he couldn’t carry Kili off of the battlefield himself like he very much wanted to. He swallowed and looked to where Nori was holding Tilda. “Nori, you’re swift on your feet and good at finding what we need. Would you leave Tilda with Thranduil and I to find someone to help us take my brother from this place?”

Nori got to his feet and nodded. “Of course.” He looked down at the little girl holding onto him. “Tilda, I need you to stay with Prince Fili and King Thranduil while I go get more help and try to find your father. Fili will keep you safe.”

Tilda nodded, looking at Fili. “I know. He won’t let anything get me.”

Fili managed a small smile of reassurance for Tilda, but the absolute belief for him that he saw in her eyes made him want to hide. How could she have such innocent faith in him when he had failed his brother?

And what did she mean when she spoke about the poison in his leg hurting Kili? What poison? When had he been poisoned? Was she talking about something that happened on the battlefield? But how would she know? Kili would never have said anything about being poisoned to a child he was trying to calm down and save.

None of this made sense to him.

 

It didn't take Nori nearly as long as he had anticipated to find the help that he needed. Not when he immediately ran across Thorin as he looked around the battlefield in obvious search of something, despite favoring his side where Nori knew the king was injured.

"Thorin," Nori called. "We found Kili."

"Where?" the king under the mountain demanded. "Where is my sister-son?"

"Outskirts of Dale," Nori said. "We need something to carry him to Thranduil's healing tents."

"What has happened?" Balin questioned, having been just a few steps behind his king.

"The lad has taken multiple arrow wounds," Nori said. "He was protecting Bard's youngest, Tilda. Thranduil said that his heart still beats, though it is faint. He said if we can get him to the healing tents, he will use his healing magic to save him."

"He expects Thorin to trust him after he tried to start a war?" Dain asked as he approached. "That faithless woodland--."

"Kili needs his help," Nori interrupted, his eyes glaring at Dain. "The fact that he still lives is a miracle unto itself, what with the poison running through his body."

"What poison?" Thorin asked. He sounded almost blase in his question, but those who knew him well could hear the veiled panic in his tone.

"The wound he sustained in the Mirkwood when the orcs attacked was no mere arrow wound to the leg," Nori said. "The arrowhead was coated with a poison that has been slowly eating away at Kili."

"Why did he say nothing?" Balin asked.

"That is not important," Thorin said, cutting off any explanation Nori may have offered. He had only one thought in that moment and that was saving his nephew, anything else would wait until he knew that Kili would be all right. He turned to Dain.

"Gather a ram and a wagon. Nori will lead us to wherever Thranduil and Kili are," he said. "Load him onto the wagon so we can get him to the healing tents quickly." He snarled when Dain hesitated. "Now!"

Once Dain hurried off to do as Thorin had commanded, Thorin turned to look at Nori. “We need to find Fili and Dwalin. If he’s truly as hurt as you say he is, we will need more than us to get Kili loaded carefully into the wagon… and in case Thranduil is too late, Fili would want to say farewell to his brother.”

Nori shook his head. “We don’t have to search for Fili. He found Kili right before Thranduil and I did. He’s with him now.” Nori hesitated. “Thorin… it’s bad, really bad. His back is shot full of arrows and I counted at least two in his side. That doesn’t include the other wounds he may have suffered during the battle before he found the lass.”

“We will not lose him easily, Nori,” Thorin said quietly. “I don’t know how he yet lives -- or why we didn’t know about the poison -- but we will fight just as hard to keep him with us as we fought to regain our mountain.”

He would not regain their mountain at the cost of his nephew’s life.

“Nori,” Balin said. “The poison?”

Nori sighed and then shook his head. “I would rather wait until we are at the healing tents with Fili so that I only have to repeat the story once.”

“You knew about the poison and the wound, then?” Thorin asked, but obviously already knowing the answer. “Why didn’t you come to us and alert us to what was happening with my nephew?”

“Thorin… Kili didn’t want you to know.”

“Surely he knew that we would get him the care he needed?” It was Balin again.

Nori looked down at the ground, not wanting to say anything to distress Thorin more than he already was.

“Nori.” Thorin’s tone brooked no refusal. “I would know.”

“He did not want to risk your anger,” Nori answered reluctantly, making sure he met Thorin’s eyes. “He thought… he did not think that you would…” Nori sighed and just decided to say it. “He thought that you would be angry that he was slowing down the journey and he did not want to risk shaming you over the idea of his inability to do what you needed him to do. He feared losing the respect and love of you and his brother. So, he kept it hidden and kept quiet about it -- doing his best to hide his pain. He hid it well since no one knew he was dying right in front of us.”

Thorin’s jaw went slack. “He thought that we would… that I would…”

Had Kili seen a change in him even back in Mirkwood that would have made him fear telling Thorin just how much pain he was in? Had he changed so much that his beloved sister-son had been afraid to tell him that he knew he was dying?

“But you knew, Nori, and you didn’t tell anyone… not one of us. Why?”

Nori frowned and looked at Balin. “Because Kili did not wish it and he doesn’t even know I know. I found out in Laketown.”

“Laketown?” Both Thorin and Balin stared at him, wanting to know why he had kept something so important from them for so long.

“Look. It’s a long tale and once we are with Fili and Kili is being tended to, we can gather up the entire company and I will tell what I know.” Now he looked at Balin and there was a sadness in his eyes that the older dwarf had never seen in them before. “But, know this. Kili didn’t just think he would lose Thorin and Fili’s regard over his wound. He got the idea that the Company would abandon him as well as his kin.”

Before either one of the others could respond, Dain appeared with the ram and wagon. Dwalin and Ori were with him as well.

After looking over his young brother to make sure he was unharmed, Nori hugged him tightly, then stepped back.

“Ori, I need you to find all of the Company -- including Bilbo -- and have them meet us at the Elven healing tents.” He swallowed. “Have someone send a messenger asking Bard to meet us there, as well. We found his youngest on the field, but she is unharmed.”

“The Elven tents?” Ori repeated in confusion. “But why?”

Nori wished that there was some other way he could do this, but right now, time was running out.

“For Kili.”

For a moment, Ori just looked at his brother and suddenly he gasped, his eyes widening and then filling with sorrow. He nodded and quickly turned, running off as quickly as he could. Dwalin looked at Thorin and obviously had questions, but instead he settled his curiosity until a later time. Thorin took a deep breath and then looked at Nori.

“Take me to my nephews.”

 

It was so much worse than what he had imagined.

Thorin arrived at the site of Kili’s fall with Dwalin, Balin and Dain at his side. Nori was slightly in front of him since he had known the way to get there. When he saw Fili kneeling in the snow with the human child and looking so broken down, Thorin had feared the worst.

_They had arrived too late._

Seeing Kili’s body with his own eyes had only added to the belief that they had been too slow to get to him and get him the aid he needed. Nori had not exaggerated about the arrows. Thorin couldn’t focus his eyes enough to get an accurate count and all he could see was that Kili looked like someone had emptied their entire quiver into him. His clothes were ripped in several places and there was so much blood on him and pooling out around him that Thorin came very close to shouting in grief.

“He lives,” Fili said hoarsely before Thorin could say anything. “He’s fading away on us, but for now, he yet lives.”

“We brought a wagon, lad,” Dain said in a gentle tone, seeing how Fili looked as he stayed next to his brother. “We’ll get him into the wagon and take him to the… to King Thranduil so he can save him.”

Dain had enough care and respect that he would not utter the words he wanted to about the Elf King while within Fili’s hearing. He didn’t think anything could save Kili, looking as broken and bled out as he did, but he understood that Fili… and Thorin… at least needed the sliver of hope right now to believe that he might live through this.

“Where is Thranduil,” Balin asked Fili. He didn’t see the elven king anywhere near.

“He went ahead to prepare a private tent for Kili,” Fili said quietly, not looking away from his brother and not letting go of the hand that Tilda had wrapped around his.

Moving carefully, Dwalin, Nori and Dain lifted Kili up and then maneuvered him as gently as they could into the wagon. Once he was laying on his stomach with his head turned so he would be able to breathe without choking, Tilda pulled away from Fili and clamored into the wagon before anyone could stop her. She settled herself down next to Kili’s head, and began to gently stroke his hair, not caring about its condition.

“Lass…” Balin started, but Fili shook his head, staying him and the others with a steely glare.

“Let her be. I will not have her distressed any more than she has been already. If being near Kili right now comforts her, then who are we to take that away from her… or from him?”

The tone of Fili’s voice and the pallor of his face kept even Dain from arguing with him. His voice was different, devoid of the warmth it usually held for the people he was close to. This was enough to make the others willing to do as he asked and not risk upsetting him more. 

Once they were ready make their way to the tents, Fili stopped and looked at Thorin. There was something in his eyes that his uncle and the others couldn’t identify, but didn’t like.

“Thorin, did you know that Kili had been poisoned before this battle?”

Thorin was quiet, looking at Fili for a long moment, and then he shook his head. He felt so tired… tired to the depths of his soul.

“No, Fili. I swear by Mahal’s great hammer that I did not know that anything was amiss with your brother.” He looked at Nori and the others before looking back at Fili. “My nephew would not have been on this field had I known.”

As they started their walk, Balin and Dwalin fell into step on either side of Thorin while Nori moved up to walk with Fili at the side of the wagon while Dain led the ram. Fili never looked away from his brother -- or the little girl trying to offer Kili comfort and get him to wake up.

“I fear for Fili,” Balin finally whispered to his king and his brother.

“Aye.” Dwalin responded. “If we lose Kili, I fear we will lose Fili as well.”

“They will not be lost,” Thorin said firmly. “Thranduil will save Kili and then we will make sure he rests and gets well. Oin can be very stubborn with his patients. And he has the rest of us to make sure he gets the care he needs so that he will get better.”

They were somber and silent until they had almost reached where the healing tents and tents for the injured were set up away from the bloodiest parts of the battlefield.

“Poison?” Dwalin finally asked.

“I don’t know the story, as of yet,” Thorin responded, not looking at his best friend and cousin. “Nori has promised to tell all when the Company has gathered here. He wishes to only tell his story once.”

“And the lass?”

“Another mystery. No one seems to know how she arrived there or what happened. I believe only she can tell us, but we should wait for her father to arrive.”

“Was no place for a child.”

“I know and Kili risked everything he had left to save her. I am sure there is much to learn there.”

“If I don’t like Nori’s answers, I will punch him in the nose.”

Thorin shook his head and reached out to grab Dwalin’s arm. “No, you will not. I do not think that any of us will be pleased with much of his story, but there will be no more tension, suspicions or bad feelings between the members of our family and Company. There has been too much of that already and I fear it has had a hand in why there is much about Kili’s condition and this poison in his system that we know nothing about.”

“We should have been told if one of our company was in trouble, Thorin,” Balin interjected.

“Yes, but from the little we’ve heard from Nori on the subject, Kili did not want us to know. _Any_ of us. Until we know Kili’s thoughts on this, we cannot fix it or learn from what has happened.”

Thorin just hoped that they got the chance to learn from this and Kili didn’t die thinking no one cared about him or what had happened to him. It hurt Thorin’s heart to know that his youngest sister-son had been too scared to tell him something so important as the fact that his wound from Mirkwood was in fact poisoning him.

_Aule, let me make it up to him. Don’t let me have failed Kili. Don’t let me have failed Fili. I was supposed to protect them and keep them safe. Allow me the chance to rectify my mistakes. please._

Before Thorin could say anything to his companions, the ram and wagon stopped and Thranduil stepped out of one of the tents.

He looked at Thorin and inclined his head. There was not of the arrogance or disdain in his eyes or expressions that Thorin had gotten used to seeing. There seemed to be… sorrow. Was Thranduil feeling sorrow for something that had happened to a dwarf? Thranduil then directed his gaze -- and his words -- to Fili.

“Prince, if you would have your brother brought in, there has been a bed set up for him. I promise you, that I will attend to him myself.”

“I wish to be with him,” Fili said as he watched Nori, Dwalin and Dain lift Kili up to carry him into the tent.

“Perhaps after you talk with your kin and Bard,” Thranduil suggested, gesturing to a tent that was set up across from the one Kili was disappearing into. “They have gathered at your king’s request, so I offered up my own tent for you to talk and tend to other injuries you may have. I can send another healer in if you need it.”

Thorin was quiet, even as Balin seemed to tense beside him at Thranduil directing every action and request to Fili instead of to Thorin, but Thorin was not offended. He could see what Thranduil was doing and he understood. He directed the requests and suggestions to Fili because Fili needed to be in control of _something_ right now. He couldn’t be in control of Kili’s safety and condition at this moment and so Thranduil was giving him something else to focus his attention on.

“Thank you, King Thranduil,” Fili said and Thorin wanted to weep at the hoarse sound of his nephew’s voice. This was not Fili. This was someone who had been hollowed out to emptiness.

“And the lass?” Balin asked, not sure if someone so young should be in a healing tent where she could be traumatized at seeing Kili being cleaned and worked on.

“She stays with us,” Fili said in a tone the brooked no argument as Tilda wrapped her small hand around his. “Kili used his dying body to protect her and keep her safe and she will stay with us until her father arrives.” He finally lifted his head and looked at Thorin. “She seems to know much about the poison Kili has been dealing with and I would keep her close and safe for her devotion to my brother and to respect the price he paid to make sure she would return to her father -- someone who is our true friend and ally.”

Thorin nodded as it seemed a reasonable decision -- not that he would have argued the point with Fili right now even if he had disagreed. If making all of the decisions and keeping Tilda close to them helped Fili better deal with what happened, then by Aule, Thorin would back him up and let him be the lead right now.

“It will take some time, Prince, but your brother will be well,” Thranduil said as Dain, Dwalin and Nori came back outside. “Go and speak with your company and I will have someone come to you when it is safe to see your brother.”

The others followed Fili to Thranduil’s tent, but Thorin held back for just a moment. Thranduil’s eyes looked at Thorin in question, but did not say anything.

“King Thranduil,” Thorin began, and it was hard to use the respected title for the one that Thorin felt had betrayed his people so many years ago and then treated them with disdain as he locked them up like animals. “I thank you.”

Thranduil looked surprised, but he covered it well after a moment. “In the past, roads were taken that never should have been taken. Mistakes were made that forged too many wrong ways. I would not have your thanks, King Under The Mountain. If it had not been for me and my actions, your people would not have been in the position for your nephew to be harmed by the orcs.” Thranduil gave him a small smile. “Go, now. Your people need you. I will not let this day claim your nephew. There has been enough loss.”

Thorin felt that his entire world was tilted on its side. First, finding Kili and seeing him so near death, and now what sounded like an apology from _Thranduil_ of all people. He didn’t know what to say, so he inclined his head at the Elf King before joining his men in the tent offered to them.

Thorin entered the tent to see that everyone but Bard was there. Oin looked to be working on Bilbo and Thorin grimaced to see the blood on Bilbo’s face and in his hair. This was something he would have changed if he could have prevented it.

Just one more thing to add to his list of ways he had failed those that trusted him.

Bilbo saw his look and gave him a gentle smile. “Just a nasty bump on the head and a little bit of a wound on my arm is all, Thorin. The rest are merely bruises.”

“A nasty bump that says we are going to keep a close eye on you until Oin says you are healed,” Bofur muttered with Bifur nodding his head in agreement.

Thorin looked around at the rest of his company, relieved to see that they were all alive. Each of them had some kind of injury, but they were all alive and walking. They would all heal and live and that was what was important.

When Oin went to tend to Fili, he shook his head.

“Tilda first. I want to be assured that she isn’t injured.”

“I am fine,” Tilda argued, looking at Fili. “I told you, I didn’t even get scraped when Kili fell. He tucked me into his furs and armor and I only scraped my hand when I was trying to move to get him to wake up.”

“Please. Tilda,” and now Fili’s voice had a little bit of emotion in it. “It would grieve Kili if he woke up to find that you had an injury that we knew nothing about and you fell ill. It would grieve me to find out you had been harmed and we didn’t care for you properly.”

“I’d listen to him, Tilda. He seems just as stubborn as your own brother.”

Tilda’s face lit up as she turned to the entrance of the tent. “Da!” She moved from Fili’s side to run at her father and jump up to hug him. “Da, Da…”

All of the dwarves respectfully turned their heads away as Bard and his daughter reunited. However, they caught a few words and had to turn back to the man, all of them looking shocked.

“You promised that you would stay where you were safe after Bain saved you and Sigrid from that orc!”

“Kili needed help, Da,” Tilda argued. “I just knew it and I had to get to him. He needed a reminder that his life was important. I didn’t mean to go so far but I was being chased and then he was there and --”

Bard shook his head and held his daughter close to him for a few long moments. “I could not bear to lose you, Tilda. They could have killed you and then where would I and you siblings be?”

“I didn’t die, Da. They didn’t get to me. Kili saved me.”

Bard sighed and hugged Tilda to him again before looking over the dwarves. He settled his eyes on Thorin for a long moment and then looked at Nori.

“How does he fare?”

Nori shrugged. “I don’t know. He was in bad shape when we finally found him and by rights should have been dead from everything -- including the half a dozen or so arrows that made a home in his body. He’s with Thranduil, now. He says he can keep him alive.”

Bard nodded and set his daughter down as he took a seat in the chair he had often occupied in the days leading up to the battle. Tilda settled on the floor next to his legs. “Do they know?”

“Know what?” Gloin demanded as he looked at Bard.

“They are about to,” Nori responded. “It’s why we’re all gathered in this tent to talk.”

“About to know what,” Dori was now next to his younger brother. “Are you injured, Nori?”

“Only in my heart,” he said plainly. “Which I am sure you will all share when Bard and I are finished with our tale.”

Thorin didn’t know how to feel about the fact that _Bard_ knew more about what had happened with Kili than he apparently did. Oin come over to him to start pulling at his coat, but Thorin stopped him.

“See to Fili first.”

“Uncle!” Fili protested. “That’s not --”

“I will not be dissuaded from this, Fili. Oin will take care of you before he looks at my wounds. I would have you bandaged and stable if you plan to take up a vigil for who knows how long at your brother’s bedside.”

Fili’s shoulders slumped, but he nodded and Oin went to him to start removing his armor and coat.

“Nori.” Thorin’s tone brooked no argument.

Nori sighed and nodded but before he could say anything, Dain gave a concerned look towards Tilda. 

“Should the lass be here for this? The story doesn’t seem like it is a telling fit for a youngster.”

Bard laughed humorlessly as Tilda bared her teeth at Dain. “I don’t think even I could pry her away from this meeting if I wanted to. This is partly her tale, as well.”

Nori sighed and shook his head. “As Bard stays, so does Tilda. After all, it’s her that we have to thank for the knowledge that something has been wrong with Kili since Mirkwood.”

Everyone -- including Dain -- seemed to be fascinated at the idea of Tilda baring her tiny teeth in challenge at a warrior like Dain, but they soon turned back to Nori.

“Kili thinks you don’t love him and are ashamed of him.” The little girl said before Nori could begin.

“Tilda!” Bard sputtered. “That was not polite.”

“It’s true and they want to know what is wrong with him and why he didn’t tell them about his leg.”

“Let Nori and I tell the story.”

“Then may I go make sure that King Thranduil is taking care of Kili, then?”

“No,” Bard said firmly. “You either stay here or I find someone to take you back to Dale to your sister and brother.”

Tilda made a noise of dissatisfaction, but settled back down beside her father’s legs and turned her complete attention on Nori.

“Is she right, Nori,” Fili asked in a broken voice. “Does Kili really think that we wouldn’t care that he was hurt?”

Bard looked down at his feet for a long moment, refusing to meet the eyes of any of the dwarves while Nori tried to explain.

“Yes, he did,” he finally said, hating the hurt he could see crossing the faces of every member of the Company.

“But why?” Ori demanded. “Why would he think that?”

“He got it into his head somehow that if you knew how he was fading from an arrow wound you would see him as a child and a failure.” Nori said reluctantly.

“But he got that wound risking his own life to open the gate so the rest of us could escape down the river,” Dwalin said firmly. “There is no shame in a wound received during such an undertaking.”

“The orc arrow was coated with poison,” Bard said quietly. “It wasn’t a mere arrow wound, yet Kili treated it as such so as to hide the truth from the rest of you.”

Nori swallowed. “Thorin… you were much changed in Mirkwood and even when we had escaped you started… you were different.”

“I started what, Nori? What did I say or do that caused my sister-son to think I would not care about his pain and his well-being?”

Nori obviously did not want to be saying these things to his king and to his surprise, Bilbo’s voice responded to the question.

“You started becoming more and more cold and short-tempered, Thorin. The closer we got to Erebor in those days, the more you railed and snapped and just acted like a troll to everyone.” He had a sad look on his face as he looked at the dwarf who had become one of his dearest friends. “Nothing mattered to you but getting to the mountain. _Nothing._ ”

“Did this start in Kili’s mind when we were on the banks of the river before we met Bard and when I told Thorin he was injured and needed care…” Fili’s voice trailed off as he gave Thorin an apologetic look.

“And Thorin said you had two minutes to tend to his injury before we had to move on?” This came from Ori who was looking at Fili in concern.

Nori cleared his throat and then nodded.

“Was I really already getting that bad?” Thorin asked quietly. When no one answered him, he sighed. “Why did none of you say or do anything to make me aware of it?”

“We were hoping that once we got out of Mirkwood and somewhere that was relatively safe to recuperate a little bit that you would come back to yourself,” Balin said tiredly. “I did not realize that it would impact Kili when we said nothing.”

“When did he realize he was poisoned?” Thorin asked.

“I don’t know for sure,” Nori responded. “Bard?”

“He didn’t give me a time frame where he realized it,” Bard responded. “But I found out the last night you were in Laketown. He told me that he was being poisoned and could feel the damage the poison was doing within him. When I urged him to tell you what was happening, he refused and made me give my word that I would keep his secret. He said that he would fall in battle with Smaug and no one would have to know of his failure. That he could keep his honour and not shame his family and kin.”

“How did you come to know that he was injured and ill,” Dain asked since it seemed the Company was reeling from that bit of news.

“I told him and I told Nori,” Tilda interjected. “Well, I didn’t exactly tell Nori. I told him to go find my Da and Kili but not to let Kili see him. But I told Da that Kili was wounded and needed help.”

“How did you know?” Bilbo asked her gently. “He seemed to be good at hiding it from all of us and his brother knows him better than anyone.”

“I watched him and I listened to him. His breathing was wrong and he didn’t eat or drink like the rest of you did at the feast -- or anytime after that. He stayed away from all of you on extra watches as much as he could. When I saw that his pant leg was turning black, I knew that he had been wounded in that leg. When I saw him being sick and losing the contents of his stomach for the second day in a row, I knew I needed to tell my Da that he needed help.”

Thorin leaned forward to bury his face in his hands. How had all of this gotten past an entire company of dwarves? How had a seven year old little girl seen everything and they had seen nothing?

_Oh, Kili._

“So, you two have known since Laketown that my brother was dying and you didn’t say anything to me, Nori?” Fili’s voice was harsh, but also colored with hurt. “My _brother_ who you know means more to me than anything in this world?!”

“I was hoping that I could keep Kili’s confidence long enough to convince him to tell the rest of you himself,” Nori said quietly. “But from the moment we entered the mountain, things kept going wrong. Thorin fell to the Dragon Sickness, but all of us were affected by it in some way or another. Then Thorin tried to throw Bilbo from the wall --”

Everyone but Dain and Tilda shuffled at that and looked down at their feet as they remembered that day.

“When no one fought harder for Bilbo, I guess it was easy for Kili to convince himself that all of his worries about telling you of the poison were true. He was getting worse, but no one noticed. Not a one of us. Even with my knowledge of his condition ahead of time, not even I noticed that he was getting worse -- which is why I now realize that the Dragon Sickness was affecting every member of the Company. We may not have reacted as badly under the influence of it as Thorin did, but not a one of us were untouched.” He paused. “Except for our Bilbo.”

“And Kili suffered for it,” Fili said with self-loathing heavy in his voice.

“He said that last night in Laketown that he refused to bring shame to his brother over a wound that most dwarves would be able to walk away from in a few days,” Bard said reluctantly. “He seemed to be convinced that he would lose the love of his family and kin because his body was breaking down under the poison.”

Nori shook his head as he looked at Bard. “Tell them the rest, my friend. Tell them what he said.”

Bard uttered a sound of unhappiness, but managed to meet the eyes of each dwarf before looking at Thorin.

“He said that he knew you didn’t want him on your quest and the only reason you allowed him to come was because you wanted Fili with you, but you knew Fili wouldn’t come if you left Kili behind.” Bard swallowed and there was regret shining in his eyes as he continued to speak. “He said that he knew you saw him as no more than a child and that he didn’t want to think about how it would look or how you would react when the one dwarf you didn’t want on your quest was the one who had fallen gravely ill and would end up slowing you down. He said he would not bring shame to you or his brother by faltering when you needed him to stand at your sides and fight the dragon for your homeland.”

“He fully expected to die as soon as we reached the mountain,” Nori said quietly. “I don’t know how he managed to survive so long when he was getting worse and was in so much pain. He _should_ have died long before the events of this battle, but I’m glad he didn’t because now that Thranduil has him, he has a chance to live.”

“I don’t like it, but I understand why he didn’t want to tell Thorin and Kili that he was…” and here Ori stumbled over his words. “Because if it was me, I might try to hide things from my brothers so that they don’t worry.” When Nori protested, Ori shook his head. “I said _I might._ But I don’t understand why he didn’t tell any of the rest of us. We’re his friends.”

“He didn’t want to hinder you in your quest and your plans,” Bard said gently. “He didn’t want you to see or know how much he believed his was going to fail all of you. He didn’t want to see you turn away from him or look at him as less.”

“There was no shame in what he was experiencing,” Gloin protested. “We would have helped him in every way that we could if we had but only known that he was in such dire straits!”

“Did he have so little faith in the rest of us that he thought he would be cast out and abandoned if we knew he was dying?” Dori’s voice was sad as he looked around at his companions.

“Why do all of you assume that these thoughts were just something of Kili’s mind?” Tilda suddenly demanded as she sat up straight. “Why do you all assume that he had no faith in you by his own choice?”

“Tilda…”

“No, please, listen to me, Da. I’ve been thinking about this since I realized he had been poisoned and was so hurt and sad. The poison was attacking his entire body and killing him. Why am I the only one to see that if it was destroying his body, it was probably destroying his mind, too? Maybe they started out as small worries caused by something simple and harmless on the journey, but then when he was hurt and the poison had started burning its way through him, it twisted and tore at his mind as much as it was tearing apart his body. It made small things blow up to become reality in his mind the longer he survived it and the closer…” Here Tilda let out what could have been a sob. “The closer he got to death, the more real and huge his worries seemed.”

“Maybe we didn’t do anything to make him think he was unwanted, but the poison twisted other things and that made a new reality in his mind.” Gloin repeated what Tilda had said loudly so that Oin could understand it and they could get his opinion. “Is that something that could happen, Brother?”

Oin nodded right away as he finished bandaging Fili’s last wounds. “Oh, yes, without a doubt. Poison is a very nasty thing and as it kills your body, it kills your mind, too. It would turn worries and exhaustion and discouragement into something so much bigger and the mind would make you think that what you are seeing is real. It would have misinterpreted actions or words that Kili would have normally let slide off of his back like he always has and turned them into weapons that messed with his spirit.”

“By that logic, though, it means that at some point we have all said things to Kili on this journey that we shouldn’t have done. It gave the poison in his mind fodder to destroy him.” Dwalin’s voice was remorseful. “Just because he let things that were said slide off of him when it happened, didn’t mean that they were right to be said. If we put those ideas out there, then in a way we are responsible for what his mind began doing to him after the poison entered his system.”

 _Oh, Kili,_ Thorin sighed sadly. _We have all failed you._

While everyone was thinking over that new information, Fili looked at Tilda. “Tilda?”

“Yes, Fili?”

“You said that you were on the field of battle because you just knew that Kili needed help. How did you know this?”

Tilda looked unhappy. “You won’t believe me. Da doesn’t even believe me and he’s my Da.”

Fili walked over to her and though it took some time and it was uncomfortable because of his wounds, he knelt down beside her. “I promise you, my young friend, I will believe you. I need to understand how you knew that Kili needed you. You being there probably saved my brother’s life and I would like to know how you knew to get to him and make him focus on you.”

Tilda was quiet and then she looked into Fili’s eyes. “Promise me that you won’t laugh at me and call me a little girl. Promise me on your mountain.”

Fili didn’t seem to be taken aback at all by the vehemence coming from one so young. “I swear to you, Tilda, Daughter of Bard, as the Prince Under The Mountain of Erebor that I will not laugh at you and will not call you a little girl. ”

She sighed and looked down at her hands before meeting Fili’s eyes again. “I knew because I could feel him and his pain.”

There were gasps of shock behind Fili and someone even uttered _”Mahal’s Hammer!”_ , but Fili didn’t turn his attention away from Tilda.

“What do you mean, Tilda? What did you feel with Kili?”

She frowned. “I don’t want to make you angry.”

Fili shook his head gently. “I promise you, I will not become angry at you.” From the sudden, even more unhappy frown and the slight shake of her head, Fili understood that he had misunderstood. “I will not become angry with Kili for the things you tell me, Tilda. I give you my word, and a dwarf’s word is sacred.”

“He was so tired and so sad, Fili. He was in so much pain and I could feel how close he was to falling.” She bit her lip. “I could feel him slowing down and I just knew that he had decided to give in.”

“You mean that you felt he was done fighting against the poison, don’t you?” 

Tilda nodded. “He was fading… I felt him strongly and then it was getting less strong. I knew I had to get to him and remind him that people wanted him to live.”

“So you left the city and went to find him.”

“Yes, I did. I needed to see him and get him to hold on until you or someone else could get to him and help him so he wasn’t alone.” She worried her bottom lip with her teeth. “There were so many monsters and I got lost. Then there were a lot of monsters after me and suddenly, Kili was there. He picked me up and tried to run far away, but he couldn’t and then something happened and he was falling -- holding me close so no one could see me and hurt me.”

“He saved you, but you saved him, first,” Fili said softly, touching her small hand. “I would not have wanted to lose him and you gave him a purpose in those last moments he was awake.”

“I had to find him. He needed me.”

“I’m glad you found him, Tilda,” Fili said with the faintest hint of a smile. “I am also very glad that you were not hurt. That would have made Kili and all of us very sad.”

“You’re mad at him because he didn’t tell you that he was hurt,” Tilda said softly.

“No, I’m not mad. I’m sad because he was afraid to tell me that he needed me.”

“He didn’t mean to be afraid.”

“I know he didn’t. I know that.” 

Fili smiled faintly at Tilda even though he wanted just curl up and be alone in his pain. He wouldn’t allow himself to cry in front of mixed company, but he really felt like he was going to. It was bad enough that he could have lost his brother during the battle. They both knew the risks of that and accepted it. What was killing him was finding out that Kili had been dying for several days before all of this and he had _hidden_ his condition from him. They had never hidden anything from each other in Kili’s entire life. Fili was trying to understand why Kili had thought that telling him he was dying would make him turn away from him, but it still hurt. What had he done or said that caused the poison to twist Kili’s mind so much that he actually believed he would lose him because of his wound?

Kili had to live. He had to survive all of this because he didn’t know how to live without his brother at his side. He couldn’t do it -- no matter what his duty to his king as his heir called for. He would never put duty above his brother.

“If Thranduil manages to heal him enough to keep him alive, his convalescence will still be a long one,” Thorin finally said gravely. “It will give us plenty of time to atone for our mistakes with Kili. We will show him how very important he is to us and how wrong we all were not to have paid more attention to what was happening to him.”

“If he allows us to,” Fili said quietly. He held up a hand to prevent anyone from interrupting him. “I know what Tilda and Oin have said -- that it was likely the poison that built up his fear and sadness about how we would react. However, as has been pointed out, there must have been things that we all said or did to Kili on this quest to give the poison extra weapons to twist his mind and cause him to feel such depths of pain and fear about us; his kin that he should have been able to rely on no matter what. It is possible that after the poison is dealt with and his mind is cleared that Kili will want to hear nothing from us and will not allow us to atone for the mistakes we have made.”

“I do not think that is a worry that you need to carry, Fili,” Bard commented quietly. “For all of his fear about how you would view him and how he would lose you, he also wanted to shield you from what was happening to him for as long as he could. That night when we spoke as I bandaged his wound, he never said an angry or cruel word about any of you. He was scared of you finding out how badly he was suffering, yes, but he also talked about how important this quest was to your family and to your people. He never expressed any negative feelings about any of you except for his fear. He did not want to add to your worries or the burdens that your company were already carrying. He was afraid, but never angry… at least not to my hearing.”

Nori shook his head. “No, there was no anger in his voice or mannerisms. That was what made it even harder for me to hear and not say anything.”

“Fili,” Tilda whispered, the quietest that her whole voice has been in this discussion. “You can’t be so mad at yourself, you know. It will hurt Kili when he wakes up.”

And because it was Tilda and she had an unwavering belief that Kili would wake up and he would get better, Fili allowed himself give her a small smile and a nod. And he allowed himself to hope.

There was a rustling at the doorway of the tent and without thinking of it, Fili spun until he was between Tilda (and Bard) and the door with blades drawn and ready. When he saw Thranduil framed in the tent flaps, he lowered his blades to his side. Luckily, Thranduil was also a warrior and had been in the battle, so he knew far too well how hard it would be for the body and the instincts to remember that the war was over.

“Fili,” he said in his even, musical voice. “You can see your brother now, but I need to tell you a few things.” His eyes slid to Tilda, who got to her feet and faced him, and then he raised an eyebrow at Bard in question.

“It will do no good to try and hide the truth from her,” Bard sighed reluctantly. “She has seen far too much that I never wanted her to see. She has been attacked by fell creatures and is covered in the blood of someone she cares much for. I will not send her away when she has as much interest in his condition as the rest of us do.”

Thranduil nodded and then looked around at the Company before looking back at Fili. “I have managed to draw out all of the poison from your brother. I’ve also managed to heal some of his more life-threatening wounds, but I did not have enough power to heal everything except for the poison completely. He will still need care beyond this night and he will need to be watched to make sure he doesn’t do himself further damage by stressing a still healing body.”

“There is something you’re not telling us, King Thranduil,” Thorin said quietly with no rancor in his voice. “You are trying to shield us from another wound. I can see it in your eyes.”

The Elf King tilted his head in acknowledgement. “Your nephew will live, King Thorin. As long as he is cared for and tended to, he will live. I will make sure that either myself or another healer is at your service to help with his care. However his leg where he was wounded, it was badly damaged. Even with all of my power, I am afraid that he will never walk without a limp for the remainder of his days. He will never again be as swift as you wish him to be. With care and patience, he will be able to adapt to serve and he will be able to hunt, but he will be much changed, King Under The Mountain.”

“He lives,” Thorin spoke slowly, even as his heart broke and he watched Fili turn paler than ever at this news. “That is enough.”

“There is more,” Bard said quietly. “I have gotten accustomed to how you stand when you have more news to share, my friend.”

“The leg and his body is free from poison, but it and his chest are still blackened from the taint of bruising caused by the poison in his system. The blackness will fade, but it will be a slow process. I do not know how he stayed alive with it as long as he did as by all right he should have faded days ago since it had started making a home in his lungs.”

“I told you,” Bilbo said quietly. “My dwarves are a strong people and even death would have a hard time stopping them when they believe very strongly in something.”

“And so you did,” Thranduil acknowledged the Hobbit. “I believed you then and now I have seen proof of this with my own eyes. I have also remembered your words on another topic and sent a messenger asking for Lord Elrond to come if he is able. He may be able to do more.”

“You’ve told us about the poison, but what other harm did my brother suffer?”

Thranduil sighed. “He looks bad to the eyes, Prince Fili, but I swear to you, if cared for and he doesn’t rush it, he will survive and heal further. We were fortunate in that the arrows that pierced him in so many places were not poisonous. There were just so many. We’ve cleaned and bandaged those wounds, as well as the slice in his neck and the deep cuts along his hip and his abdomen. He has some cracked ribs. He suffered a minor head wound, but I don’t think he even noticed it amongst everything else. He is covered in bruises over most of his body.”

“And his hands?” This was from Tilda as she stepped closer to Fili.

Thranduil paused, tilting his head as he studied her. “He will indeed use his bow again, Lady Tilda. His hands are bruised and scraped, but they did not suffer serious damage.”

Fili was not the only one in the tent to let out a heavy breath. It wasn’t just that Kili was their best archer, it was that he came alive in so many different ways when his bow was in his hand. If he would never be able to use his bow again, that would have caused a deeper wound than any of his physical injuries. It would have broken a part of him that would never heal.

“How many arrows?” This was from Dain and at first Thranduil didn’t seem to want to answer the question.

“Does it matter? We removed them all and have treated and bandaged his wounds.”

Dain let out a hoarse laugh. “I know young Kili and he would have curiosity about how many arrows the enemy wasted trying to take him down permanently. I would have the number to give him so that he will feel pride during his healing.”

“Ah.” Thranduil nodded. “It would be a question my own son would ask if he was in that shape. Archers seem to have a strange sense of pride in their accomplishments with their weapons and they like to wonder how many of an enemy’s arrows would be needed to take them down.” He looked at Dain with new eyes. “We removed seven arrows out of Kili’s back and two out of his side.”

“Nine?! Nine arrows in him?” Dori had to sit down even as Bofur wrapped an arm around his distraught brother. Bifur was saying something in Khuzdul and Bofur nodded at him.

“Nine arrows… the lad shouldn’t still be breathing.”

There was a distressed sound from Tilda at that, and she shook her head wildly when others of the Company agreed that Kili should not have been able to survive so many arrows to his body -- especially in addition to the poison and the other wounds.

At Tilda’s distress, Thorin surged to his feet as quickly as he could. His voice came out in a roar. “ **Takata!** ” The other dwarves who had been reacting to the news of the arrows suddenly stopped speaking at their King’s demand for silence. “We should be rejoicing in the fact that Kili will live and not paying such attention to why he did not. Obviously, Aule did not want to take him from this world as of yet and there will be no speculation as to why he was not dead before Thranduil was able to heal him.” He looked at the girl that cared so much about his nephew and then met the eyes of each of his people in the tent. “You will not upset the Lady Tilda with such words, nor will we allow speculation and foul rumors to be released on the wind. Kili will live and that is a cause for rejoicing and not questions about his survival. The poison may be gone from his system, but we have been told that his recovery will be long. I will _not_ allow his recovery to be hindered because he thinks that our amazement as to how many blasted arrows he took into his body is reason for shame and despair instead of relief that he is still among us. I will not have any of us risk him any further.” He sighed. “We have already done him harm with our words before and I would not wish us to repeat our same mistakes.”

“I will take him home with me and not let anyone but Fili see him ever for the rest of my days if you do that to him again!” Tilda clenched her fists and yelled at the dwarves.

Bard got to his feet. “Tilda! Don’t say that to his people!”

“I mean it, Da, I will.” Tilda swore. “I won’t allow him to be hurt like that a second time. He almost _died_!”

Bard ran a harried hand over his face even as Dwalin started laughing, thereby breaking the tension that had suddenly filled the tent.

“Sounds like a child of Durin, she does,” Dwalin laughed. “Oh, the Lady Dis is going to love her. Thorin, you are in so much trouble when your sister gets here.”

Thorin sat back down heavily, but even he was fighting a smile at the image of the seven year old daughter of man swearing to battle the fiercest dwarves he knew to keep his nephew from feeling any more pain. It was an image that he would not soon forget.

Fili turned to look at Thorin and there was a question in his eyes. While Thorin didn’t know for sure what Fili was asking without words, he had some idea. After all, it wasn’t just the Arkenstone that had caused a damaging rift in things between peoples, friends and other races. He nodded firmly, allowing Fili to say and do what he wished with what he was thinking. Fili stiffened his shoulders and turned back to Thranduil.

“King Thranduil, I believe that there are some gems like starlight and a necklace in the mountain that rightfully belong to you.”

“Prince, I did not agree to heal your brother for gems. I would not ransom --”

“Be that as it may, and I know you did not, from what I have learned and understand, those gems are yours by right and I would have them returned to you.” Fili gave the Elf King a small smile of gratitude. “It is the right and honorable thing to make sure you regain possession of those gems, King of Mirkwood. As for healing my brother and keeping him from being taken by death, all I have of my own to offer you are my deep thankfulness, gratitude and friendship.”

When Thranduil nodded in acceptance, Fili let out a breath. “And now, I need to see to my brother.”

 

Fili wasn’t sure what he had expected to see, but the image of his brother looking so small and helpless had not been what he had seen in his mind. Even with knowing the extent of all of his injuries, something within him had expected Kili to at least look… more alive that he currently did. A chair was next to the cot Kili was on and Fili slowly sat down. He reached out to gently touch Kili’s hair before wrapping his hands around one of his little brother’s hands. There were more bandages than skin showing, but there was just enough skin showing that he could see the discoloration on parts of Kili’s bare chest from the poison that had been tearing through his body.

“Kee,” Fili whispered, not able to choke back his pain and fear for his brother. “Kee, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that I didn’t notice how much pain you were in. I should have realized that something was wrong. You’ve never been that stoic and quiet before. I watched your smiles slow down and the brightness in your eyes fade and I still couldn’t see that you were ill and in pain. I just thought it was the journey and the exhaustion that was affecting you.” He sighed. “If I had known of all of the things that were going to happen on this journey, we would have stayed home in Ered Luin -- heir or no heir. No mountain or kingdom is worth your life, my brother.”

He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes, but he didn’t bother to wipe them away. How could he be embarrassed at his tears right now when he was faced with the broken body of the person that was the most important one on his life. For seventy-seven years he had looked after and protected his brother and when he had really needed him, he had failed him.

“It kills me that you were bearing this burden in silence, Kili. I hate that something happened that made you so afraid to tell me you needed me that you were willing to _die_ feeling all alone. If I had but known, you would not have felt all alone and you would not have been on that battlefield today. It wouldn’t have mattered how much anyone tried to make you feel bad, you would have not been on the battlefield in the condition you were in. I would not have allowed it and I would not have stood by and let anyone force you out there when you needed care and rest.”

Fili bowed his head and touched his forehead to his brother’s hand held firmly in his two. He was trying to hold onto hope, after all Thranduil had assured them all that Kili would live. It was just that seeing now how badly Kili had been wounded made him still fear his baby brother slipping away.

“I need you here at my side, _nadadel_. Please do not leave me. Do not go where I cannot follow.”

 

When Kili drifted back to consciousness, he was aware of pain. Every part of his body felt like he was encased in stone and fire all at once. He was confused, because going to the hall of his creator should mean that he was healed and that his fight was over. He had died on the battlefield and should now be waking up in the Halls of Waiting to wait for the world to be remade so he could be a part of it once more with all others of his kin that had passed before him.

He didn’t feel healed and he didn’t feel like he was where he was supposed to be. There was too much pain pulsing through his body and he didn’t understand what was going on.

He forced himself to open his eyes, biting back a gasp when even that action hurt and made his sight go white for a brief few moments. When his vision cleared and he was able to focus, he frowned up at the roof above him in confusion. It looked like the roof of any of the many rooms that he had wandered in and out of when the Company had first arrived at Erebor before the battle that had cost his people so much.

_Fili!_

If he was in Erebor, he needed to get up. He needed to find his brother and make sure that he was okay. If the battle was still raging on outside the mountain, he needed to be out there. His place was with his kin no matter what condition he was in.

He started to force himself to sit up, pain making him groan and shake, only to register a low growl nearby and then the feel of a strong hand on his shoulder, pushing him firmly but gently back down onto the bed.

“ _Nadadith_ , I swear if you try to get up, I will pound your head in and get Dwalin to tie you to the cursed bed.”

Kili blinked and then forced his head to turn in the direction of that beloved voice. He came face to face with a pair of worried blue eyes. “Fili.” His voice was a sigh as he realized that his brother was all right. “Where are we?”

Fili moved his hand from his brother’s shoulder to clasp his hand as he sat back down in the chair next to the bed. “We are in your bedroom in the shared living quarters of the royal family within the mountain of Erebor.”

“We won, then?”

His brother nodded. “We won.”

“Thorin? The others?” He closed his eyes as pain attacked his head and side with painful spikes of fire. “Tilda!” His eyes flew open as he remembered his last moments on the battlefield and the precious burden he had been trying to rescue and he tried desperately to sit up. “Tilda was on the field and I went down, trying to shield --”

“Easy, Kili,” his brother soothed him quietly. “Tilda is unharmed and is even now safe with her family in Dale. You saved her. I do not believe anyone will be able to keep her from your side when she finds out that you have finally returned to us.” He kept his hand wrapped around his brother’s. “Thorin and the rest of the Company are doing just fine. We are wounded, but we live. We lost none of our closest people and Dain lives, as well.” He frowned down at him. “We all live though you did your best to make a liar out of me.”

“A liar?”

“I promised mother that I would keep you safe and protect you from whatever came at us.”

“We couldn’t have known that we would be attacked by an army of orcs, _Nadad_.” He winced, not enjoying the fact that even talking was enough to invite pain.

“I’m not talking about the battle, Kili. I’m talking about the fact that you took a poisoned arrow to the leg that was killing you even before the battle and you neglected to tell me this.”

“Oh.” That one word had so much emotion within it.

“Yes, oh.” Fili leaned down to stare into Kili’s face. “How could you keep something so important from me, brother? We have never kept secrets from each other and that whole time after we escaped from Mirkwood to Lake Town and then to the mountain, you knew you were _dying_ and you never once said anything about it.”

“What was the point, _sannadad_? There is no known cure for orc poison and I wasn’t about to fail you and Thorin by falling to the side or behind when I had a duty and responsibility.” Kili closed his eyes. He was so very tired and now knowing that his brother was here to see him die filled him with sorrow. “I would have spared you seeing this, my brother.”

“You’re an idiot. Reckless, brave and kind, but you are still an idiot.”

“You can put that on my tomb.” He managed a faint smile. “I’ll be as unusual in death as everyone has always said I have been in life.”

“I will do no such thing,” Fili growled, a little angered that his brother was so willing to slip away into death. “You will heal and get better, Kili -- as long as you stay in bed, rest, and do what the healers say. I plan to make sure you do just that. You will die on the same day as me many, many years in the future.”

“The poison --”

“Has been removed from you by King Thranduil.”

Kili’s eyes opened quickly. “What?”

“Thranduil pulled the poison from your body and healed what his power would allow him to heal.”

“Uncle Thorin allowed that?”

“It was my call to make and I made it, but yes, Thorin agreed with me.” Fili shook his head. “I have never been as scared as I was when I found you on the field, Kee. You were so full of arrows and the color of the snow around you. I didn’t know how you could yet live, but you did.” He swallowed hard. “I thought I was going to lose you and then I found out about the poison that was killing you. Kee, why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to be ashamed of my weakness even more than you already had to be.” Kili’s voice was full of so much pain and sadness that Fili’s heart hurt for his brother.

“Kili, you are not and have never been weak. I could never be ashamed of you. _You took that arrow saving us!_ The idea that I would abandon you or that any of us would turn against you… it’s madness, Kee. You’re my brother and my best friend. Your life is worth more to me than any mountain or kingdom and I would have chosen you over all of the treasure in Erebor.” Fili sighed. “This is not the time for this conversation. You need to rest and heal. Oin and the elven healers say you have a long fight ahead of you. A fight that I would see you win, _sannadadith_. You have been unconscious for a week, so you are going to rest and you’re going to do everything that Oin tells you to do. But after you get some real rest, we are going to have a very long talk about these dizzy ideas you have had about your importance, Kili. Uncle and the rest of the Company will have plenty to say to you, too.”

“You must all be so angry with me,” Kili said even as his voice hitched from trying to hold back his tears.

“No, Kili. Not angry so much as very sorrowful that you felt so alone and unwanted that you thought anything was more important to us than your life.” Fili ran his free hand through the hair at Kili’s face, a soothing motion he had done since they were children. “Sleep, Kee. I will be here when you awake again.”

Once Fili was sure that his brother was sleeping naturally, he sighed and sat back in his chair. There were a great deal of hurts to address and wrongs to make right, but he was breathing easier than he had been since finding Kili so close to death on the battlefield.

**Author's Note:**

> **Khuzdul Translations Used:**
> 
>  
> 
> Takata -- Silence  
> Nadadel -- The Best Brother  
> Nadadith -- Younger Brother  
> Nadad -- Brother  
> Sannadad -- Perfect Brother  
> Sannadadith -- Perfect Younger Brother


End file.
